If there has ever been anything in my life that I should be thankful for it is prayer. The older I get the more I realize what a complete and total cornerstone to my very existence prayer is. The story of prayer in my life is really a chapter book. A chapter on those who have prayed and the impact it has made. The story of Jeff Krouch and how he helped me to understand what prayer really is. The story of my father and how prayer was so much of WHO he was! Then the story of now, how prayer is becoming the soul of who I am. So this one is short but it is the start of a story.
I don’t know that I can write out how deeply true this one is. I have had the chance in the past month to pray very directly and very personally for a few people, for my church, my family and my own life. It is different than it used to be. I have actually prayed my whole life, but not like I do now. Today I had the honor to pray for a precious child who I can see Jesus is reaching for in a new way. Someone hurting who is carrying a load bigger than she can or should ever have to carry in her life.
Isn’t that the way it is though? We all, everyone of us carries a load bigger than us at times in our lives. Isn’t interesting how that is when we most hit our knees?
We forget how much we need him. Oh how I need him. I simply can not do this life with out him. I can not be strong, I can not be pure, I can not be faithful, I can not be honest with out Jesus. I CAN NOT! But he can. So now I know with every fiber of my being I NEED TO pray. To pray and talk to God and pour out my heart like the need water, or the need food, or the need for air. That is what prayer is to me now. To pray as a direct source of life.
My fathers prayers make so much more sense now. The way he prayed, the intensity of it. The depth and the consistency of it. The hunger for the fellowship and the desire to share it. His prayers opened the door so that God could strengthen his life and every life he prayed for. I hope when I come before the Lord he can do the same through me. Now I understand Isaiah chapter 6. How being in the very presence of the Lord puts you on your knees. But this is not the same as when Satan would drive you to your knees. When I meet with Jesus in prayer, my heart fills with his love, I am on my knees because I am so humbled by his presence, so very aware of what a precious honor this is, how much he loves me and how much I do not deserve that love, but how very desperately I both want it and need it.
When Satan drives me down, he does it with abuse and hate, pain, scorn, self loathing.
When I bow before the Lord it is in love and gratitude, humbled grace and an out stretched had to lift you up.
In this moment I know I have been in the presence of the one who sends me to my knees in humility and lifts me up with his strength. The battle is his and it has already been won. He is already there. I just listen and follow. The one leading on this journey is the very source of life, the one following may be tattered, but the destination is beautiful, whole and freedom! This is what prayer means to me more each day of my tattered journey.
Just caught up on your blog. What a nice way to spend my lunch. You are amazing and give me hope and inspiration to get back on track. Love you girlfriend!