The Struggle is real
I hear this saying a lot. The struggle is real. It could be about many things. I suppose it depends on who you are talking to and what you are struggling with. For me right now I am struggling with getting out of bed in the morning and doing the simple things that are most important to me. It seems like I have allowed myself to get confused. I am not sure why actually. I want to run the half marathon but I don’t want to run today, I want to work hard and sell 40 houses, but I don’t want to work hard today. I want to get off the couch and be active but I want to veg out today. I want to honor my family and put them first but I want to be selfish today. I want to get out of bed early, go for a run, spend time in the word and start my day off right, but I hit the snooze 20 times today. Why is that exactly?
Romans chapter 7 talks about this in the spiritual realm. The ‘I am doing what I don’t want to be doing’ chapter. It is actually kind of confusing. Lots of theology in Romans. Much of it for people with more wisdom that I will ever possess to hash out and explain. Some of it implies ignorance is bliss for sure. Ultimately I think what it is saying when we know the difference between right and wrong we are awakened to the struggle, and it is real.
Sometimes the struggle is made up of things outside of us. Circumstances beyond our control. Illness, disability, job loss, war, famine. Yet often I think where the struggle leaves us the most vulnerable is in the daily grind. The get out of bed in the morning stuff. The eat right and exercise, the patience with our spouse and children. Or worse yet, the patience with ourselves. The daily to-do’s that make all the difference in the world for our lives.
I have been reading good books lately that should help and encourage and get me motivated, sometimes though all it does is point out all that I am doing wrong. All I can see is how I am failing at life not how I could be achieving victory.
This is why I blog you know? I process this stuff through writing and prayer and sometimes conversations. It is actually why I should get up in the morning and go for my run and spend time in the word and journal. This very process that I so desperately need on a daily basis that keeps the wheels my whole of life properly greased so they run smoothly, with purpose, with meaning, just flat out running. This very thing that I should do that I don’t do, why am I fighting that which heals my soul?
Why is it when we hit the snooze of our lives (literally and figuratively) the very thing that brings us life begins to die and we start to die in response? Especially if we know this, why in the world do we do it? Like an addict who goes back to the needle or the bottle. Or the woman who returns again and again to the abusive relationship that keeps making her feel smaller? Or the person who drowns their sorrows in bad food and television.
The struggle is real. This morning I lost the struggle, but I am writing it out so there must still be some fight left in me. Today is not over yet, I can still win today. I do not have to throw in the towel on my life because I lack motivation for it in this moment. I am not quitting, I am not failing, I get a new minute in this day right now and in that minute I can decide to change the direction of today.
Today I can pick myself up from this moment. In fact maybe that is just what I need to do today. Today I get up out of my pity chair and spend time in the word and start my day fresh, better late than never today. Today I run. I will run this evening even if I am tired and want to veg out. Today I run instead of watch TV. Today I write a couple of notes to people I am grateful for and call a couple of clients that I miss talking to. Today I make my bed and fold my clothes, hang sheets on the line and walk through my garden. Today I can finish at least one small project for my job. This is my next moment, this is my next minute. Today starts now!
Teresa : a tattered traveler